Moving In The Pause

Caregiving In The Pause: Connecting With Our Elderly Loved Ones

 

My mom, who is 90, said ” I am wondering what I will do with the rest of my life.”


 

The elderly, like the rest of us, want a meaningful, useful purpose.

I am a caregiver for my 90 year old mom. Like many of us she tends to worry and have anxious moments. One afternoon at lunch I was Inspired to practice “The 4 Decisions” together. Here we are using the card to help us both chill out in our minds while hanging out at California Pizza Kitchen. Mom loves their fettuccine and being an authentic Italian cook, that is saying something!
 
Amazing how the simple practice of The 4D brought us both to laugh and experience how close we really are. And, that my father who passed on in 2010 at the age of 93, is very much hanging out with us, in the “Pause.” He’s laughing too, I assure you!
 
As caregivers for our elderly parents, it can sometimes be challenging to connect as physical and mental abilities decline and bring various challenges. Feelings come up for the parent and the child, whom is now assuming the role of “parent.” Last week my mom was having a few difficult days due to some confusion and forgetting. It came to me that sometimes caregiving feels like I am taking care of a child who is moving towards the end of her life on this earth – a child who is also my parent, and a long time friend. A mix of feelings.
 
My mom loves Pause For Inspiration. One evening she was especially anxious so I read to her from the book, Pause For Inspiration. She moved from being anxious, fearful and crying to being calm, focused and asking questions in which she was relating the content of the book to her life now. The elderly still have LIFE left in them and very much want to truly live the rest of their earthly life, just like the rest of us. Pausing For Inspiration is a way to do just that.

 


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Pause and Receive

Who I Am, When I Let LOVE, Love Me

I am deeply consoled in this experience, like spending time with a Dear Friend who has only my best interest at heart.


 

 PAUSE AND RECEIVE

Everyday is an opportunity to love one another. How can I be a part of this? I choose to begin each day with a Pause and focus on Receiving LOVE. I let LOVE fill me up so I don’t have to try and fill myself up (or anyone else).

 

 A MOVING PRACTICE

Today I find that I am called to practice Pause and Receive, while engaging in a movement practice. I begin in being willing to LET LOVE, LOVE ME by being aware of the Presence of the Pause. The point is not to move in any particular way, rather to simply move while choosing to be aware of the Pause in our midst. Move into relationship with the Pause.
You can move in silence or to music. The choice is always yours.

 

 THE MOST EXPANSIVE WAY

Keep in mind that IN ITS MOST EXPANSIVE sense, Moving In The Pause, is a practice in being present. 

 

 HEALING THE SEPARATION EXPERIENCE

You are how LOVE enters the world, otherwise LOVE remains mysterious, intangible, invisible – nothing more than an idea, ethereal, a “maybe” to be discussed. In our willingness to respond to LOVE while living our everyday lives, the experience of separation from LOVE is healed, while living our everyday lives.

 

WHO AM I WHEN I LET LOVE, LOVE ME?

I find this practice of Pause and Receive to bring me into an awareness of “who I am when I let LOVE, love me.” I experience an open heart, a crystal clear mind and a calm body. Words fail me in these times… and so, I move.

 


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Less Me, More Joy


Stepping Back From “Me”


 
One may think that this me-character is required to live a productive, effective and efficient life – and be happy. In practicing stepping back from “me” I am seeing that me is a distracting energy drainer. Step back from “me” – open to the LIFE in everyday life.
 

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Pause Goes to Nyeri, Kenya Via Ferguson, MO


 
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Local Kenyan Pastors and hotel staff of the Victorian Hotel at the final Pause for Inspiration session.

 
 
 
 
 

Pause For Inspiration met Pastor Michael Robison through Pastor Robert White of Clergy United in our sharing Pause with the  Ferguson, MO community. Pastor Robison packed Pause in his suitcase on his mission trip to Nyeri, Kenya. It is our understanding, these Pastors are now using Pause in their ministry in the villages in which they live! Thank You.

 


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There Is Such a Thing

Chicken and vegetables wrapped in tortilla

Customer Service and the Pause


 

Moving through The 4 Decisions in my mind (I have it memorized – it’s easy with practice), I stroll into the healthy fast food restaurant on the corner. I place my order, which is a bit “off the menu” as I ask for some sliced avocado on the side as my usual. A blast of light shows up before me in the form of a woman who works behind the counter – wow joy! “Hi, how are you today? Good to see you,” she says. Our joy has met many times before which began with her inspiring me to share “The 4 Decisions” card with her and her fellow workers.  They were all already an Inspiration; talk about supreme customer service. It is unforeseen how placing the cards in their hands might bring inestimable amounts of Inspiration into the hearts and minds of many. So, even if someone appears to not even need Inspiration, that doesn’t stop me from sharing more as it is always good to have some extra on hand. She whispers something in the cashier’s ear. As I hand my cash over, the young girl looks up and smiles, saying, “Oh, your lunch is free today!”

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Flossing into Transcendence

Dental Equipment

True Self


 

Yeah, this seeker mind wanders through the world seeking and never finding. How can I find that which does not exist outside of my True Self in a world in which my True Self seems to be excluded? Living life in a 24/7 world that seems to be a distraction from what I hope to find, only to find my True Self fully present and standing at the bathroom mirror while flossing my teeth! One moment I was just flossing, the next moment I was flossing in the now; the mirror reflecting the restful presence of the True Self. Turns out, there is no need for the transcendent experience to be thought of as separate from the mundane. Love is in the world or it isn’t Love.

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Raising the Bar

Customer Service and the Pause


Yesterday afternoon I was happy to be receiving help at the computer store learning how to use a new app. I was willing to learn! However, the gentleman helping me was not as willing to instruct as I was to learn. Seemed as though I was just another in a long line of computer illiterates that he was put in the ugly position of having to help become more technology savvy. He came off as kind of a know-it-all wondering why I didn’t know-it-all. Of course I wouldn’t be there if I did know-it-all. I realized that two factors were probably happening here: 1) I was a bit uneasy about learning how to use this new app, and 2) He was simply not in the mood and mainly, distracted. His eyes were roaming all over the store as if he was following the flight of a bumblebee. I decided that the best way to help both of us, was to Pause, Step Back, Step Aside and Let Inspiration Guide.
 
I was practicing The 4 Decisions in my mind and as I did so a few things happened: 1) My uneasiness floated away; 2) He stopped talking so fast and literally began pausing as he spoke. It was as if his mind slowed down to receive what words to say that would be helpful instead of spouting something off that he had filed away in a mind slot about this particular app; 3) We made eye contact. Now we were present to one another and available to the moment. It was really cool to see this transformation in us both unfold in a matter of seconds.
 
Now, some may say it was all just my perception. I just needed to relax. That was definitely part of it. But what was demonstrated here is the power of the pause. Without getting into some hypothetical explanation of how this works, what worked was one person’s willingness to open to a more peaceful, helpful and effective way of communication. He became a better instructor for the next 45 minutes and I noticed I became more grateful for him. We began enjoying this time together instead of wishing it were over!
 
How many times in your day do you wish something were over? How much of my life have I wasted wishing something was over? How much energy have I wasted being upset with poor customer service when I could have played a pivotal role in turning the customer service experience around to be more helpful, or least found some inner peace amidst the “Customer Not-At-Your-Service” counter? What do I really want? Do I want to lower the bar of the human daily life experience or raise the bar?

 


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